It sounds like you’re in a healthy, functional relationship.

Does the knife really have to be a metaphor?

Maybe I’m just suddenly allergic to everything?

Raise your hands if you only like movies starring puppets

She’s salty and unpredictable, but she can cause the perfect storm. Not to mention the crabs.

She’s technically 30, but she has the practical life skills of a toddler.

Attempting cardio isn't going to outweigh the drugs you've done.

You can’t get through life if you haven’t seen the 2001 classic “The Luck of the Irish.”

You're not better than anyone just because you bought tickets to see the opener.

Perfume is just gassy soap! I don't *need* to enjoy things without explicit practical value!

Don't be a dummy!

Sharing findom duties is a lot of responsibility.

The best things in life are free, which is why Tao's friendship is not.

Sure, it's undermined the fabric of our democracy AND destroyed us, but otherwise it's a good way to kill some time.

Katie's there for you, if you confide in her immediately.

Bacon, pizza, tacos...POTATOES.

Not to be insulting, but HOW DID YOU GET ON THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DATING APP?!

We are discontent with the amount of content out there.

You're just SO good at doing manual labor that I would otherwise have to do, ya know?

My newest fan, r710hgmz2811, just LOVES posting about Bitcoin!

NOT YOU TOO, BOB BALABAN!

Visible scars are always cool, except when they're not.

Put me down as a "Maybe."